Things your friend struggling with infertility wants to tell you

In my group of friends alone I know about 5 young and healthy women who struggled to either get pregnant or stay pregnant. Throughout all the stork teas, births and functions where kids were running around, they had to keep smiling and congratulate the other lucky parents. I wanted to know what they would tell their friends or other people with kids if they had the chance to do it and be brutally honest. These were their answers:

  • Do you know how lucky you are?
  • When I see people I don’t know shout at their kids I’m thinking that I can take better care of them.
  • I’m happy for you, but I’m also jealous of you.
  • I feel like I’m a failure as a woman.
  • Don’t complain about your pregnancy ailments, I’ll take them any day.
  • Is there something wrong with my husband? How do I discuss this with him?
  • Is God punishing me because I’m doing something wrong?
  • What are my alternatives? I don’t feel comfortable to discuss this with my friend?
  • Is it okay to ask my friend to be a surrogate?
  • Even though I’ve got one healthy child, I’m still sad because I’m struggling to get another child. I’m not ungrateful, I’m just very sad because this wasn’t what I thought I would be going through.
  • Why is this happening to me?
  • I deserve having kids more than so-and-so. 
  • I feel like you won’t understand my pain if you have kids.
  • I’m scared that you will judge me if I tell you that I’m jealous of you.
  • I don’t want you to stop sharing your joy with me and to exclude me just because you know I hurt.

This can be a real eye opener. Support your infertile friend and appreciate your kids!